Unholy

Even though lanky, he was a strong man. The weight of him on top of her was making her nauseous and dizzy. Her slight frame against his robust one, made it impossible for her to even move. She felt as if her lungs would burst without air. She wasn’t certain if the pressure of him was making her breathless or the terror of it had rendered her unable to even take a slight gulp. She lay motionless below him, enduring the onslaught of terrifying pain. Her pitiful arms were bundled on top of her head, wrists clasped tightly with one hand and her mouth was shut with rigorous force with the other. Her mind was in such a trance of incoherency that she couldn’t fathom what was happening to her. She was hurting but unable to comprehend why. She had tears streaming down her cheeks but couldn’t gather the reason. Her muffled screams had stopped long ago, but it kept on reverberating in her mind. Again and again and again.

When it all stopped, after what seemed like an eternity, she could smell a rusty smell. She was drenched in a bloody war of agony, disorientation and incertitude. As she was made to stand up, her body faltered and rushed forward. However, he caught her and placated her with a pat in the head. He wrapped up her soiled clothes into a bag and then took her for a bath. With gentle fingers which sent trepidation waves across her soul, he cleaned her up and dressed her in unsullied clothing. All this while, she stared at him with perplexity and panic. 

After he had tidied her up, he took her hand and she was again overcome with trembling fear. However, he didn’t hurt her. He just spoke to her. He said words which she hadn’t learnt then. She took in bits and fractions of it. In a monotonous baritone, he told her that if she ever even whispered about what happened to anyone then they will get angry at her. He said if she told her parents then they will take away all her toys and lock her in a dark room. That she will never be able to see them again. He explained that what happened was her fault and she had to be punished. Her three year old brain didn’t fight. He asserted and she listened. 

Over the years, as she grew up she realized the gravity of what was done to her. The patchy memories registered but with a lost voice. She had strength yet rotted from inside. The long forgotten dread somedays creeped up her conscious as she listened to lamenting symphony, as she laughed along with friends, as she kissed her lover, in the middle of work and as she lay awake in the night. She smiled most days yet her heart weeped. 

Even years later, her muffled screams which had stopped long ago, kept on reverberating in her mind. Again and again and again.